permanently trying to touch the sky

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The letter that never was


Some people cross our path for only a brief period of time. Our lives touched for seconds, but I will remember you forever. You gave me the sweetest of apples, I took a small bite, and you took it from my hand.

I fondly recall that evening we met in early January, I must admit, I had never met anyone like you. You seemed perfect, perhaps the fact that it is all over (whatever there was or wasn't) is for the best. I will keep your image of perfection, I will continue dreaming and continue looking for a man that matches or surpasses your glory.

There was never anything between us, we only dated... I realise that. But I've been on many dates, with many people, I have met guys from all walks of life, all continents, races and life-styles. No one has ever made me feel what you made me feel a minute into our first conversation.

Perhaps I'm being silly and immature... I feel like a teenage girl! I simply cannot hide what I feel. Tears have been shed: anxiety, fear, anger, lust and pain. Basically a huge crush, because there is simply nothing else we could have been to eachother at this point. What angers me though, is the fact that I know you could have been the one I have been looking for in a very long time. Too bad I wasn't that person for you. I'm also angry at the fact that I'm feeling all these things. For fuck sake, we were just dating and I'm head-over-heels for you! Makes no sense in my otherwise logical head.

I have learnt many things though, namely the fact that I now know that men like you exist; they're not just a fragment of my imagination, they're not just an unattainable dream of mine.

The sun shines out my window, my life is glorious, and I will persevere. I wish you the best in the world, because you truly deserve it. If only there were more guys like you, our world would be so different. I hope all your dreams come true and I hope you find someone to love and someone who loves you back... I thought I could have been him.

I thought I'd see you again
You said you might do
Maybe in a carving
In a cathedral
Somewhere in Barcelona


A. F.


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